Friendship/Relationships/Gender
Wars
A dress makes no sense
unless it inspires men to want to take it off you. - Francoise Sagan
A friend is a person
with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A happy marriage is a
long conversation which always seems too short. - Andre Maurois
A kiss is a lovely trick
designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
A man is in love when
something in his head, something in his and chest and something in his pants
react to a certain woman. - Brian Hwang
A woman, especially if
she has the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she
can. - Jane Austen
According to a new
survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than
they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too
judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. - Jay Leno
Adam and Eve had an
ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have
married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked. -
Kimberley Broyles
Affection is responsible
for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives.
- C. S. Lewis
After another moment's
silence, she mumbled that I was peculiar, that that was probably why she loved
me but that one day I might disgust her for the very same reason. - Albert
Camus, L'Etranger
Ah
Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. - Victor Borge
Be friendly with the
folks you know. If it weren't for them you would be a total stranger.
Beam me up, Scotty, her
husband's home!
Been there, done that,
she got the t-shirt. – Karl Etter, on divorce
Being deeply loved by
someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Better
to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall. - David Chambless
But, O Sarah! if the
dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I
shall always be near you; In the gladdest days and in the darkest nights . . .
always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my
breath, as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit
passing by. Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for
we shall meet again. - Major Sullivan Ballou, to his wife, a week before his
death in 1861
Do you think God knew
what He was doing when He created woman? Huh? No shit. I really wanna know. Or
do you think it was another one of His minor mistakes like tidal waves,
earthquakes, FLOODS? You think women are like that? S'matter? You don't think
God makes mistakes? Of course He does. We ALL make mistakes. Of course, when WE
make mistakes they call it evil. When GOD makes mistakes, they call it...
nature. So whaddya think? Women... a mistake... or DID HE DO IT TO US ON
PURPOSE? - Daryl Van Horne (The Witches of Eastwick)
Don't accept rides from
strange men, and remember- all men are strange. - Robin Morgan
Don't get married. Find
a woman you hate and buy her a house.
Ever notice that when
women hold off getting married, we call it "independence," but when
men do, it's called "fear of commitment"? - Jay Trachman
Friends are God's way of
apologizing to us for our families.
Generally, by the time
you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and
you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at
all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't
understand. - Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
Give a man free hands
and you'll know where to find them. - Mae West
God gave women intuition
and femininity. Used properly, the combination easily jumbles the brain of any
man I've ever met. - Farrah Fawcett
He makes me laugh a lot.
I get excited when I hear his key in the door. It's like, 'Ooh! The party's
going to start! - Anne Bancroft
Heav'n hath no rage like
love to hatred turn'd, nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd. - William Congreve
How extravagent you are,
throwing away women like that. Someday they might become scarse. - Capt.
Renault (Casablanca)
I believe in dragons,
good men, and other fantasy creatures.
I do my thing and you do
yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not
in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we
find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped. - the
'Gestalt Prayer'
I haven't yet met Mr.
Right, but I've met Mr. Cheap, Mr. Rude, and Mr. Married.
I married Miss Right. I
just didn't know her first name was, "Always".
I
married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just
about throw up. - Barbara Bush
I myself have never been
able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a
feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. -
Rebecca West
I still miss my ex, but
my aim is getting better!
I think sex is better
than logic, but I can't prove it.
I wanted to tell you I
still love you, it came out 'call if you ever need to talk.' - Arjuna Greist, "Moment"
I was only looking at
your nametag, honest!
I'm not your type. I'm
not inflatable.
I'm out of estrogen and
I've got a gun!
If the world were a
logical place, men would ride sidesaddle. - Rita Mae Brown
If we could decide who
we love it would be much simpler but less magical. - South Park
If we judge of love by
its usual effects, it resembles hatred more than friendship. - La Rochefoucauld
If women can have PMS,
then men can have ESPN.
If women didn't exist,
all the money in the world would have no meaning. - Aristotle Onassis
If you can't answer a
man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names. - Elbert
Hubbard
If you haven't seen your
wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin
Hubbard
If you wonder about
someone's suitability as a lifelong companion, make him wallpaper a room. You
can't truly know a person until you have observed his reaction to a strip of
wallpaper securely pasted upside down. - Jo Houser Haring, Notes on a
Refrigerator Door
In the End, we will
remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. - Martin
Luther King Jr.
Infatuation is when you
think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as
Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is
when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors,
as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert
Redford -but you'll take him anyway.
It is important to our
friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to
friendship that we are not. - Mignon McLaughlin
It is impossible to love
and be wise. - Francis Bacon
It is one of the
blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. - Ralph
Waldo Emerson
Laughter is the closest
distance between two people. - Victor Borge
Love is a fire. But
whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never
tell.
Love is like Pi:
natural, irrational, and very important. -- Lisa Hoffman
Love is the answer. But
while you're waiting for the answer, sex brings up some pretty good questions.
- Woody Allen
Love is when two people
who care for each other get confused. - Bob Schneider
Love looks not with the
eyes; but with the mind, and therefore is winged cupid painted blind. -
Midsummer's Nights Dream
MAKE LOVE NOT WAR (see
driver for details) - Bumper sticker
Man wishes woman to be
peaceable, but in fact she is essentially warlike, like the cat. - Friedrich
Nietzsche
Marriage is the triumph
of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over
experience. - Oscar Wilde
Men always want to be a
woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct; what they like to be is
a man's last romance.
Men are shameless. If
you're not thinking with your wiener you're acting directly on its behalf. -
Good Will Hunting
Men mistake friendship,
but not sex, for love; women mistake sex, but not friendship, for love. - Peter
Wastholm
No husband has ever been
shot while doing the dishes.
No man is worth your
tears, but when you find the man who is worth your tears, he won't make you cry...
No one can drive us
crazy unless we give them the keys. - Doug Horton
Nothing says "I
love you" like offering to go to the grocery store.
Nothing spoils the taste
of peanut butter like unrequited love. - Charlie Brown
One of love's greatest
drawbacks is that, for a while at least, it is in danger of making us happy. -
Alain de Botton
Only time can heal your
broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs. -Miss Piggy
Only when I grew to love
you did I understand the relativity of time; then, I wished to embrace you
forever, hoping that eternity would last just a few minutes more. - Anthony
Constantino
Recent medical research
into the secrets of biology confirms what we always knew: that women are tougher,
stronger and lustier than anyone ever thought. Our challenge is to surpass
these expectations! - Jennie Chua, General Manager of the Raffles Hotel
Remember, Ginger Rogers
did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels. -
Faith Whittlesey
Sex appeal is 50% what
you've got and 50% what people think you've got. - Sophia Loren
Sex is a misdemeanor.
The more I miss, the meaner I get.
Sex is not the answer.
Sex is the question. YES is the answer.
Sex... it's every man's
screensaver, the thing his mind returns to when it's not otherwise seriously
occupied. - Glamour
Sex without love is an
empty gesture. But as empty gestures go, it’s one of the best. - Woody Allen
Sex without love is like
Jell-O without whipped cream: You're going to have it anyway--it's just, a
little whipped cream would be nice.
She wore too much rouge
last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a
woman. - Oscar Wilde
Stop looking for Prince
Charming. Cindrella's already got him.
The best measure of a
woman's honesty isn't her income tax return. It's the zero adjust on her
bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke
The best security
blanket a child can have is parents who respect each other. - Jan Blaustone, The
Joy of Parenthood
The greatest happiness
of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather,
loved in spite of ourselves. - Victor Hugo
The most wonderful of
all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with
whom one's relationship has a glowing depth, beauty, and joy as the years
increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most
marvelous thing, it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately
wishing for it. It is a sort of Divine accident. - Sir Hugh Walpoe
The question isn't would
you die for a friend, it's do you have a friend worth dying for. - Kristin
Mikula
The way I see it, the
men that I'm with, whoever they are, it's like look, you have to accept that I
like ice cream, and I know it shows up on my hips but if you can't accept that,
then leave. Go away. Toodles. It is non-negotiable. - Tori Amos
The world would run a
lot smoother if more men knew how to dance.
Then my friend's wiry
arms were around me and he was leading me to a chair. 'You're not hurt, Watson?
For God's sake, say that you are not hurt!" It was worth a wound-it was
worth many wounds- to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that
cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips
were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as
well as of a great brain. All my years of humble but single-minded service
culminated in that moment of revelation. - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The
Adventure of the Three Garridebs
There are mysteries
about our love. Things that neither one of us may ever understand because love
is an emotion without limit and understanding. We know we love each other but
we could never explain completely as WHY we love each other. Love is not a
clock. You simply cannot take it apart just to see what makes it tick, and even
if you could, you probably could never get it back together again.
There are three things
men can do with women: love them, suffer for them, or turn them into
literature. – Stephen Stills
There are two sides to
every divorce: yours and the shithead's.
They call it
"PMS" because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
They can't censor the
gleam in my eye. - Charles Laughton
They say that 50% of all
marriages end in divorce. That's not as bad as it sounds, considering that the
other 50% end in death.
They say there are lots
of good fish in the sea - but who wants to date fish?
Though we adore men
individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid. - from Mary
Poppins
To be loved is to be
fortunate, but to be hated is to achieve distinction. - Minna Antrim
To fall in love is easy,
even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But
it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence
one becomes steadily the person one desires to be. – Anna Louise Strong
To love a person, I
think the thing that only matter is try to make her/him happy. Getting love
from him/her is not as important as that...
Trouble is a part of
life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a
change to love you enough. - Dinah Shore
Unrequited love may be
painful, but it is safely painful, because it does not involve inflicting
damage on anyone but oneself, a private pain that is as bittersweet as it is
self-induced. But as soon as love is reciprocated, one must be prepared to give
up the passivity of simply *being* hurt and take on the responsibility of
perpetrating hurt oneself. - Alain de Botton
Until that day when
women, and only women, shall determine which American males must, by law, have
vasectomies, then - and only then - will you or any man have the right to
determine which American women can have abortions. - Betty Beale
Watching you walk out of
my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize
that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be
when the right one comes along.
We all want love to come
along, but we place all these restrictions on how it should come along. - Renee
on Ally McBeal
We have reason to believe
that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. - Lily Tomlin
We have strange and
wonderful relationship; you're strange and I'm wonderful.
What passes as a woman's
intuition is usually nothing more than a man's transparency.
What the world really
needs is more love and less paperwork. - Pearl Bailey
When a man goes on a
date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. - Frederick
Ryder
When you live in the
shadow of insanity, the appearance of another mind that thinks and talks as
yours does is something close to a blessed event. - Robert M. Pirsig
Why is it that when a
man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks
dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute?
Woman would be more
charming if one could fall into her arms without falling into her hands. -
Ambrose Bierce, Epigrams
Women and cats will do
as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -
Robert A. Heinlein
Women are amazing
creatures -- sweet, soft, gentle, and far more savage than we are. - Robert A.
Heinlein (from The Moon is a Harsh Mistress)
Women are expected to do
twice as much as men in half the time and for no credit. Fortunately, this isn't
difficult. - Charlotte Whitton (1896 - 1975)
Women have more
strengths in their looks than we have in our laws, and more power in their
tears than we have by our arguments. - Saville
Women might be able to
fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.
Women say all men are
the same, but they have no problem telling you how different you are from Mel
Gibson.
You don't marry someone
you can live with; you marry the person with whom you cannot live without.
You have
to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your
lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.
- Jonathan Carroll
You may forget the one
with whom you have laughed, but never the one with whom you have wept. - Kahlil
Gibran, Sand and Foam
You've got to dance like
nobody's watching and love like it's never going to hurt.