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Friendship/Relationships/Gender Wars

A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you. - Francoise Sagan

A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. - Andre Maurois

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

A man is in love when something in his head, something in his and chest and something in his pants react to a certain woman. - Brian Hwang

A woman, especially if she has the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. - Jane Austen

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. - Jay Leno

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked. - Kimberley Broyles

Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives. - C. S. Lewis

After another moment's silence, she mumbled that I was peculiar, that that was probably why she loved me but that one day I might disgust her for the very same reason. - Albert Camus, L'Etranger

Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. - Victor Borge

Be friendly with the folks you know. If it weren't for them you would be a total stranger.

Beam me up, Scotty, her husband's home!

Been there, done that, she got the t-shirt. – Karl Etter, on divorce

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall. - David Chambless

But, O Sarah! if the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; In the gladdest days and in the darkest nights . . . always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again. - Major Sullivan Ballou, to his wife, a week before his death in 1861

Do you think God knew what He was doing when He created woman? Huh? No shit. I really wanna know. Or do you think it was another one of His minor mistakes like tidal waves, earthquakes, FLOODS? You think women are like that? S'matter? You don't think God makes mistakes? Of course He does. We ALL make mistakes. Of course, when WE make mistakes they call it evil. When GOD makes mistakes, they call it... nature. So whaddya think? Women... a mistake... or DID HE DO IT TO US ON PURPOSE? - Daryl Van Horne (The Witches of Eastwick)

Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember- all men are strange. - Robin Morgan

Don't get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

Ever notice that when women hold off getting married, we call it "independence," but when men do, it's called "fear of commitment"? - Jay Trachman

Falling in love doesn't kill people. Landing does.

Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families.

Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand. - Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Give a man free hands and you'll know where to find them. - Mae West

God gave women intuition and femininity. Used properly, the combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I've ever met. - Farrah Fawcett

He makes me laugh a lot. I get excited when I hear his key in the door. It's like, 'Ooh! The party's going to start! - Anne Bancroft

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd. - William Congreve

How extravagent you are, throwing away women like that. Someday they might become scarse. - Capt. Renault (Casablanca)

I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped. - the 'Gestalt Prayer'

I haven't yet met Mr. Right, but I've met Mr. Cheap, Mr. Rude, and Mr. Married.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was, "Always".

I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up. - Barbara Bush

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. - Rebecca West

I still miss my ex, but my aim is getting better!

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

I wanted to tell you I still love you, it came out 'call if you ever need to talk.' - Arjuna Greist, "Moment"

I was only looking at your nametag, honest!

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

I'm out of estrogen and I've got a gun!

If the world were a logical place, men would ride sidesaddle. - Rita Mae Brown

If we could decide who we love it would be much simpler but less magical. - South Park

If we judge of love by its usual effects, it resembles hatred more than friendship. - La Rochefoucauld

If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. - Aristotle Onassis

If you can't answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names. - Elbert Hubbard

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard

If you wonder about someone's suitability as a lifelong companion, make him wallpaper a room. You can't truly know a person until you have observed his reaction to a strip of wallpaper securely pasted upside down. - Jo Houser Haring, Notes on a Refrigerator Door

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. - Martin Luther King Jr.

Infatuation is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford -but you'll take him anyway.

It is important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not. - Mignon McLaughlin

It is impossible to love and be wise. - Francis Bacon

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Laughter is the closest distance between two people. - Victor Borge

Lots of people are willing to die for the person they love, which is a pity, for it is a much grander thing to live for that person. - Jason Hurst

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.

Love is like Pi: natural, irrational, and very important. -- Lisa Hoffman

Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex brings up some pretty good questions. - Woody Allen

Love is when two people who care for each other get confused. - Bob Schneider

Love looks not with the eyes; but with the mind, and therefore is winged cupid painted blind. - Midsummer's Nights Dream

MAKE LOVE NOT WAR (see driver for details) - Bumper sticker

Man wishes woman to be peaceable, but in fact she is essentially warlike, like the cat. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. - Oscar Wilde

Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct; what they like to be is a man's last romance.

Men are shameless. If you're not thinking with your wiener you're acting directly on its behalf. - Good Will Hunting

Men mistake friendship, but not sex, for love; women mistake sex, but not friendship, for love. - Peter Wastholm

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

No man is worth your tears, but when you find the man who is worth your tears, he won't make you cry...

No one can drive us crazy unless we give them the keys. - Doug Horton

Nothing says "I love you" like offering to go to the grocery store.

Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter like unrequited love. - Charlie Brown

One of love's greatest drawbacks is that, for a while at least, it is in danger of making us happy. - Alain de Botton

Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs. -Miss Piggy

Only when I grew to love you did I understand the relativity of time; then, I wished to embrace you forever, hoping that eternity would last just a few minutes more. - Anthony Constantino

Recent medical research into the secrets of biology confirms what we always knew: that women are tougher, stronger and lustier than anyone ever thought. Our challenge is to surpass these expectations! - Jennie Chua, General Manager of the Raffles Hotel

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels. - Faith Whittlesey

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got. - Sophia Loren

Sex is a misdemeanor. The more I miss, the meaner I get.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. YES is the answer.

Sex... it's every man's screensaver, the thing his mind returns to when it's not otherwise seriously occupied. - Glamour

Sex without love is an empty gesture. But as empty gestures go, it’s one of the best. - Woody Allen

Sex without love is like Jell-O without whipped cream: You're going to have it anyway--it's just, a little whipped cream would be nice.

She wore too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. - Oscar Wilde

Stop looking for Prince Charming. Cindrella's already got him.

The best measure of a woman's honesty isn't her income tax return. It's the zero adjust on her bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

The best security blanket a child can have is parents who respect each other. - Jan Blaustone, The Joy of Parenthood

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. - Victor Hugo

The male chromosome is an incomplete female chromosome. In other words the male is a walking abortion; aborted at the gene stage. To be male is to be deficient, emotionally limited; maleness is a deficiency disease and males are emotional cripples. - Valerie Solanas

The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a glowing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing, it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of Divine accident. - Sir Hugh Walpoe

The question isn't would you die for a friend, it's do you have a friend worth dying for. - Kristin Mikula

The way I see it, the men that I'm with, whoever they are, it's like look, you have to accept that I like ice cream, and I know it shows up on my hips but if you can't accept that, then leave. Go away. Toodles. It is non-negotiable. - Tori Amos

The world would run a lot smoother if more men knew how to dance.

Then my friend's wiry arms were around me and he was leading me to a chair. 'You're not hurt, Watson? For God's sake, say that you are not hurt!" It was worth a wound-it was worth many wounds- to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as of a great brain. All my years of humble but single-minded service culminated in that moment of revelation. - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The Adventure of the Three Garridebs

There are mysteries about our love. Things that neither one of us may ever understand because love is an emotion without limit and understanding. We know we love each other but we could never explain completely as WHY we love each other. Love is not a clock. You simply cannot take it apart just to see what makes it tick, and even if you could, you probably could never get it back together again.

There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature. – Stephen Stills

There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.

They call it "PMS" because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

They can't censor the gleam in my eye. - Charles Laughton

They say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. That's not as bad as it sounds, considering that the other 50% end in death.

They say there are lots of good fish in the sea - but who wants to date fish?

Though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid. - from Mary Poppins

To be loved is to be fortunate, but to be hated is to achieve distinction. - Minna Antrim

To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be. – Anna Louise Strong

To love a person, I think the thing that only matter is try to make her/him happy. Getting love from him/her is not as important as that...

Trouble is a part of life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a change to love you enough. - Dinah Shore

Unrequited love may be painful, but it is safely painful, because it does not involve inflicting damage on anyone but oneself, a private pain that is as bittersweet as it is self-induced. But as soon as love is reciprocated, one must be prepared to give up the passivity of simply *being* hurt and take on the responsibility of perpetrating hurt oneself. - Alain de Botton

Until that day when women, and only women, shall determine which American males must, by law, have vasectomies, then - and only then - will you or any man have the right to determine which American women can have abortions. - Betty Beale

Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.

We all want love to come along, but we place all these restrictions on how it should come along. - Renee on Ally McBeal

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. - Lily Tomlin

We have strange and wonderful relationship; you're strange and I'm wonderful.

What passes as a woman's intuition is usually nothing more than a man's transparency.

What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork. - Pearl Bailey

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. - Frederick Ryder

When you live in the shadow of insanity, the appearance of another mind that thinks and talks as yours does is something close to a blessed event. - Robert M. Pirsig

Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute?

Woman would be more charming if one could fall into her arms without falling into her hands. - Ambrose Bierce, Epigrams

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

Women are amazing creatures -- sweet, soft, gentle, and far more savage than we are. - Robert A. Heinlein (from The Moon is a Harsh Mistress)

Women are expected to do twice as much as men in half the time and for no credit. Fortunately, this isn't difficult. - Charlotte Whitton (1896 - 1975)

Women have more strengths in their looks than we have in our laws, and more power in their tears than we have by our arguments. - Saville

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.

Women say all men are the same, but they have no problem telling you how different you are from Mel Gibson.

You don't marry someone you can live with; you marry the person with whom you cannot live without.

You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip. - Jonathan Carroll

You may forget the one with whom you have laughed, but never the one with whom you have wept. - Kahlil Gibran, Sand and Foam

You've got to dance like nobody's watching and love like it's never going to hurt.